I’m bored and I have a splitting headache that made me think I’m dying, for real. I stifled a yawn and looked at the teacher before me. His mouth was moving but I couldn’t decipher what he’s saying. I could only hear incoherent mumblings since my presence of mind flew out of the door in a mad dash. I wonder if it already won the marathon against my fellow classmates’ minds. Suddenly, the bell rang and I thought I heard the angels sang. My ‘mind’, er, kinda swished inside me and I jerked. It’s as if thousands of volts of electricity went inside me. Oh, and before I forget, my ‘mind’ was holding a gold medal. I guess it won. I dragged my stinking corpse out of the room towards the exit of the campus. I was hyperventilating because of the apprehension of what I am about to do. Scary scenarios whizzed in my mind like a slideshow, only faster. Ladies and gentlemen, silence please. I am about to declare the biggest event since Armstrong placed that flag on the moon. I could see the curiosity and excitement in your faces. I nodded. That’s good. I cleared my throat, and declared it in a string of incoherent mumbles. You shouted make it louder and clear. I gulped. I am about to ride the jeepney for the first time. Before I knew it bowling balls are hurled towards me and I screamed like a mahaderang bakla. (er, homos, no offence)
With the crowd, I waited for the damned vehicle. I kept reciting the number of the jeepney like a mantra. 21B… 21B… 21B… Oh, and I also muttered curses that could send a nun to tra la la land. Heck, if only I wasn’t cost cutting! I was about to cry when suddenly a 21B jeepney stopped right in front of me and I grinned. I even took all the ounce of self-control on my body just to refrain from doing Sailormoon’s victory pose. I calmly walked towards the doorway when a rush of people hastily entered before me in a frenzied dash. I could only stare in disbelief. It’s as if I was fixing my hair with poise and then suddenly, a strong gust of wind sent my precious hair towards the other side and unfortunately, it stayed stuck. My sinful mouth released a string of curses and there was smoke coming out of my ears and nose. I’m furious. I could wage war with everybody. I counted from one to ten and just before reaching the number ten--- it rained. Not just a drizzle but cold, wet rain poured heavily. It was like a drum of freezing water dumped on my head. I screamed and went for cover along with the crowd. Damn! I cursed again! Bloody rain! Bloody jeep! And all those bloody something out there! Tears sprung in the corner of my eyes and I waited for almost like an eternity. Repeat that. An eternity. I decided. Forget about poise! Forget about that cute hunk beside me! I’m going to war! I readied myself for battle. And as the next 21B jeep stopped, I flung myself towards the entrance hitting… ahmm… front and back parts of people both soft and hard. I tried hard not to blush and proceeded to sit down. Ah! The battle is now in its end. When everything was settled and my butt connected to the jeep’s seat, I regained my composure. What drove me nuts was that Mr. Driver allowed people to squeeze into the remaining seats exceeding the limit on the amount of passengers allowed. Heck! Not even air could slip through the passenger’s bodies as there is full side-body contact. Oh well. Then the ride started and I wished that maybe the good people up above could take my life.
Indeed, this ride is designed by the Devil himself. Should I describe it? I think the driver was a kamikaze pilot from the wars and he is taking us to our very graves. I could only scream in terror albeit, mentally. My intestines are rearranged into God knows what. And with every bump in the road, which was mind you every three seconds, I would ricochet off the ceiling (literally!), bounce off the uncomfortable seat, and my head hits the hard ceiling again. I tried to feel my head for bumps but everytime I do that I keep smashing my face into the man beside me. Hmm, maybe I’m doing it intentionally so that I could inhale his musky scent and dream that he was my lover. Bang! I hit my head again and everyone was staring at me with weird expressions. I sighed and blushed at the same time. Can’t a teenager dream? To my utter dismay, the cute hunk went down and two more sat beside me. This time, I’m very much aware of my surroundings. It was blazing hot, like an inferno. I felt like sardines being cooked. Of course, haven’t you noticed that the jeep is like a sardines can? The uncontrollable perspiration of the passenger’s body including my own flooded into the can like our very own sauce. Did I mention that the stench is making me gag? I was cursing at the same time talking to God about some promises I will do once I get off this stinking can of bagoong! I mentioned sardines earlier? Scratch that. It’s bagoong! Get me out of here before I enter the spinning vortex of doom. Maybe if I get out of this damn vehicle I will suffer hysteria or worse, schizophrenia. That is, if I get out alive. Again, I was busy bargaining with God and at the same time spitting curses when suddenly I looked out and my eyes flew wide open. I saw that the jeep passed by our house. I screamed at the top of my lungs and I went flying down the wet floor as Mr. Driver halted abruptly. I covered my head in shame and hastily went down from the can made in hell. I walked towards our house and then looked back. Bad move. I tripped. I lost my poise. My soul flew several miles. I think I’m ‘gonna die. When I recovered, I stifled a cry and sniffed. I sniffed again and realized that I’m coming down to a cold. I know, I’m ‘gonna die. I cursed again. You know what? I think if I gather all the curses I released, it could become a constellation with a single star being a curse. Tears along with the rain ran down my face and when I opened the door, everyone stared at me and my mom fainted. They have never seen a more gruesome sight ‘till now. I looked at the mirror and my mouth went agape. I’m never ‘gonna ride a jeep ever again. Guess what? The next day, I rode the damned sardines can made in hell… again!
jeep-ney (n)
a Philippine twin-benched jitney bus, seating about a dozen passengers.
note: it's usually more than a dozen...huhu
>>definition from http://dictionary.reference.com/
>>ph0tos from flickr and i forgot what site it was...sorry
